Choke

gahh work sucked tonight. i spilled a 24 oz belended white mocha all over myself.blah.

this morning i was on my way to my moms house[placerville] from my dads house[eldorado hills]. right when i got on the freeway there was a huge sign that said EXPECT TO STOP. automaticly i said NUTS! but i got out my ipod and rolled down all the windows. the summer air was sweet and refreshing. then i was looking out at the view and i realized how beautiful it was. how subburban yet very country eldorado hills is. im going to miss the country air this summer.

k so i have been extremely nervious about going to san francisco this summer for this art thing. im going to be with all these amazingly good artists and im going to be real intimidated. im afriad i wont be inspired and im not going to make anything good. but i met someone today who is also going which makes me happy because now i wont be alone and lost alone. he is also rather cute and lots of fun to talk to. so that makes a little stress about this summer going away but im so nervious!!!i hope 3 grand doesnt go to waste.

whnSKIESaregrey: did you see the girl i was with?
AaronXSteele: yea
AaronXSteele: sister?
whnSKIESaregrey: thats my step mom
whnSKIESaregrey: hahahahha
AaronXSteele: what!
whnSKIESaregrey: my dads a pimp
AaronXSteele: omg
AaronXSteele: holy crap
whnSKIESaregrey: shes 34
whnSKIESaregrey: i know
whnSKIESaregrey: my dads 51
whnSKIESaregrey: i fuckinglove her
AaronXSteele: thats awesome
AaronXSteele: she looks like she could be your sister
whnSKIESaregrey: i know
whnSKIESaregrey: shes hot huh?
AaronXSteele: well shes pretty
whnSKIESaregrey: you didnt get a good look at her
AaronXSteele: yea i didnt really look

My bestfriend




monroe














im be hella digging that snow ahhaa





i love my bestfriend!!!

to tell you the truth, i dont even know that if the meaning behind the pictures i take or paint make any sence besides inside my head.
im no photographer if you can already tell but its something to do when i need a break from painting and drawing. but this latest break has been far too long.
and lately i havent had any good material for my book.
i still dont really know myself. and if i dont figure that out soon i feel that all these things that might be a talent will just end up being unfinished sentences...

i'v been walking around like a zombie all day
i can feel death sucking at my bone marrow
but all i can do is sit and watch.

i need new inspiration for painting
like a good movie or something to get me somewhat going

i need a new favorite book.

driving in your beat up camaro
hot summer night
my small loose dress
your five o'clock shadow
my hand out the window doing waves in the air
your hand lightly tapping on the stearing wheel
cigarette smoke staining our clothes
thinkin, i dont care where im goin
just as long as im goin with you
thats when our favorite song came on the radio
i turn it up and tell you to pull over
i run ontop of the car
youre just standin there smilin
"come here baby, come dance with me"

take me
break me
mold me
make me
into your precious little toy
until im perfected porslin
just like the rest
take my complexity and make me bland at its best
choose me
use me
sedate me
abuse me
your ego is suffocating and intoxicating
but i cant get enough
im addicted to your nicotine,my lungs are screaming
chokeing and gasping for any last breath
throw me
dispose me
shatter me like my dreams...

big soul, small city.
huge heart, no openings.
beautiful brain,no company.
little hands, none to hold.
quite complex,hard understandings.
big dreams, small chances.
independant and solo.